Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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