i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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