I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
