problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
