she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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