Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
