so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
