In the future we'll all be gay
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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