I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
