your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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