My Higher Power is John Stamos
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
