Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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