I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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