made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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