"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
