no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
