Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
