Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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