Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
