You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
