she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
