Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
