Plan B is the new Plan A
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize