when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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