You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
