Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
