so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
