i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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