You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
