You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
