Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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