I need to stop coming to work sober
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
