am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
