i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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