considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
