He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
