you guys were way drunker than both of me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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