Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
