are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
