I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
