next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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