Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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