So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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