Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
