that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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