my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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