need another drink. this is the easiest way
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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