1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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