I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
