I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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