2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Found the puke drawer
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
