They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So squirting runs in the family.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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