Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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