onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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