u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
