we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
