Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she told me i tasted like america
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
