When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he was CRYING into my vagina
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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