I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
