your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
