For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
