Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I checked into jail on foursquare
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
