No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize