But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
