everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
