Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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