After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
